As a stay-at-home mom, you will work for free and still be told it's your job.
Imagine not having to work, but sitting at home all day—well, being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is nothing of the sort. The narrative that, before women had equal rights, they simply stayed at home doing nothing while men worked hard to provide for their family is an ahistorical lie.
There has never been a time in history where women did not work. Women have always worked. Feminists didn’t fight for women *to* work, as historical revisionists falsely claim. Feminists, instead, fought women's right to be fairly compensated for their work.
Despite the progress made by earlier waves of feminism, women’s labor continues to be undervalued and underpaid when compared to men’s—and one of the most overlooked forms of women's labour is that of a stay-at-home mom.
Being a stay-at-home mom is more than just staying at home, as the name implies—it’s taking on the responsibilities of childcare, housekeeping, and other domestic labor that, when outsourced, requires a lot of money, yet is deeply undercompensated when done by a mother.
If society really understood the work that went into being a SAHM, it wouldn’t be glamourized to the point where men envy being in such a position and women aspire to it.
The women who aspire to be SAHMs rather than pursue a career in this century are typically met with critique by feminists because of what it truly entails, and this critique is not met without backlash, as many respond by emphasizing the importance of “supporting women's choices” regardless of what it is.
But choices aren't made in a vacuum; they are shaped by the world we live in and they’re not above criticism. Men are never expected to *choose* between parenthood and pursuing their careers, yet women are—and that alone shows that these decisions aren’t merely “personal choices”.
In truth, opting to be a SAHM in today’s society comes with a range of consequences that are rarely discussed when the role is idealized. Beyond the initial appeal, there are serious implications—economic, social, and personal—that many women face once they step into this role.
Economic implications
SAHMs are financially dependent on their husbands, which puts them in a vulnerable position for potential abuse. While financial independence does not make a woman immune to abuse, it is significantly harder for a woman to leave an abusive relationship when economic dependence ties her to her husband.
Beyond the risk of abuse, if anything were to happen to the husband—such as losing his job, leaving the marriage, or even passing away—it would be extremely difficult for SAHMs to achieve financial independence. Re-entering the workforce without prior job experience can prove to be a challenge.
This is why women's financial independence must be seen as non-negotiable. Whether it’s running a small kiosk or working from home, having a source of income, rather than relying solely on a husband, is essential for true women's liberation.
Social Implications
SAHMs are bound to their house, with no social life outside their family, and this can be very isolating for them. It's worsened by the fact that even outside the family, the husband gets all the acknowledgement for her hard work—the children she gave birth to and raised bear his name, and the home she made is called his.
Childrearing and homemaking limit women’s freedoms in certain ways, and even with that, they still don't get credit for it. Women deserve to be acknowledged for the work they put in; they need social networks that support them, especially mothers, because their work is so underappreciated by society.
Personal Implications
SAHMs don't get holidays or bereavement leave for themselves—it's day in, day out; the domestic duties never end. They don't have enough time for themselves, and this leads to a loss of identity where their whole self revolves around being a mother and nothing outside of that
While being a mother is a beautiful thing, women can be more than just mothers or future mothers—they're much more. There are serious mental health challenges that come with losing yourself to one thing, and if not taken care of, it can lead to even worse outcomes.
Conclusion
It's never too late, for there needs to be a societal shift—women have been taught to work outside the house; now it's time for men to learn to work inside the house. SAHM or working women, women still do the bulk of the domestic responsibilities. The difference is, working women contribute to the finances, and the husband barely contributes to the household work.
Men shouldn't just be “helping” women with housework—they should be doing their housework. It's also their house, after all. Once it's time to start up a household, both spouses need to contribute equitably—financially and domestically—to avoid either party being exploited.
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