Motherhood is a role, not a goal

Mother’s Day is a day set aside each year to celebrate all mothers. This includes mothers who have children through non-traditional means, whether via IVF or adoption, and women who aren't mothers but stand as mother figures to children in their lives.

While Mother's Day is internationally recognized as the second Sunday of May in many countries, including the United States, Canada, and Nigeria, it's observed differently across the globe. For instance, the United Kingdom celebrates "Mothering Sunday" on the fourth Sunday of Lent, while many Arab countries observe Mother's Day on March 21. Some countries even celebrate it up to three times a year.

Still, a single day is not nearly enough to honor mothers. Motherhood is such a beautiful and profound role - everyone walking on this earth today is here because of a mother's labor. Yet, mothers are not appreciated enough for that. Ideally, Mother's Day should be celebrated every day, if possible.

Since time immemorial, society has held motherhood as a goal for every woman to achieve, but, even after attaining this so-called "goal”, women don't receive the recognition they deserve. From the moment girls are born, they are assigned gender roles in preparation for their future as mothers. As children, they're encouraged to play with dolls; as tweens, they begin to perform domestic labor; as teens, they act as mini-moms for their younger siblings. Then, as adults, they're deemed ready for the "real deal," and thus the cycle continues without any acknowledgment. It never ends.

This ongoing cycle and societal pressure need to end. The truth is, the ideal of motherhood that society promotes was never really about supporting mothers. That’s why it always feels like they’re falling short: it's either they didn't have a male child, or they didn't have children at all, or had children through unconventional means. There’s always some reason they’re made to feel like they’re not enough.

A new goal is not what mothers need. Motherhood is too diverse a role for there to be just one goal. Any woman can be a mother, as long as she chooses to. Choice is key to taking on the role of a mother, because there are many women who choose to be mothers but can't have children biologically. They are among those most impacted by society’s narrow definition of motherhood.

The real definition of motherhood will always include women who can't have children biologically, because there are, in fact, women who have had biological children but aren't present in their lives for whatever reason. Someone else had to take up that role of mothering that child, they are mothers too.

Non-biological mothers are not somehow any less of a woman for not having children of their own, just like women who choose to remain childfree—there are women who choose to have children but can't and these are women who choose not to, but can. There's this notion that every woman wants a child but that's simply not true. There are a plethora of reasons why any woman would choose not to, and all are valid.

Childfree women face a similar kind of social ostracization that childless women experience. Theirs, however, comes with a different kind of admonishment, which is absurd, because being childfree doesn't stop a woman from mothering children either; they just don’t want ones of their own. And kids deserve to be with parents who truly want them. Sadly, society has a way of forcing women who can have children but choose not to, into motherhood anyway.

Abortion bans are implemented to ensure that women who can have children are forced to carry a pregnancy to term and birth a child, even if they don’t want to, and especially if they can’t afford to. These women bear the sharper end of the knife because they have completely rejected the assignment of motherhood that patriarchy has placed on every woman, which shouldn’t be the case. This is why there must be an emphasis on choice when it comes to motherhood. Women should be able to choose—or not choose—to become mothers.

Mothers have continuously made so many sacrifices for the world, and it's time to make a sacrifice for them by lifting this heavy burden placed on them. It's time we start celebrating them the right way, starting with every day of the year, and then remembering that it's a great choice they're making - one that anyone should be able to make without coercion.

Conclusion

Happy Mother's Day to every mother out there. Whenever you're reading this, it’s your Mother’s Day - you deserve to be celebrated regardless. From single mothers, to adoptive mothers, to foster mothers, and even women who stand as mothers to children, all mothers deserve recognition and appreciation. Thank you for everything you do.